I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
