He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
