Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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