babies were throwing up all over the place
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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