in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
