I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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