Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
