Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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