what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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