just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
