I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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