And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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