Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
whose parrot is this?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
