Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
