the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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