marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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