I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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