I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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