Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
