I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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