mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
