So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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