my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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