you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
