My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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