found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
