Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
