Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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