Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
