dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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