1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
