She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
