watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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