I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
