New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
