It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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