Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
handjob tips. give me some.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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