I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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