oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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