well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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