i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
