Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize