eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
