I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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