You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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