Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
