Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
