just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
