I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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