my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
