MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
