did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
