idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
