I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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