You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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