i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
