Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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