My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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