Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
