May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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