Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
