I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
