Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize