he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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