Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
